The way a person eats a pizza says a lot about their character. Choosing whether to attack your pizza with your fingers or a knife and fork is a decision fraught with internal politics. Will your pizza buddy think of you less for getting your digits all greasy? Or, on the other hand, will they judge you as some sort of upper-crust posh-o if you opt for cutlery? The decision is all yours. But we've broken down every type of pizza eater in the above video made entirely for your viewing pleasure.
So what kind of pizza eater are you?
You're a traditionalist – the sort of person who knows what they like and doesn't tend to stray too far from convention. You've probably had the same sandwich for lunch at work every day for the last two years. Which is completely fine. But God, mate: live a little.
You don't muck around, do you? The roller is someone who has no time to waste. You're probably the one in your friendship group who always finishes their dinner first, so used to hearing phrases involving the words "wolfed" and "gobbled" that they've simply become white noise. Needless to say, you're great value for money at a buffet but an absolute nightmare when it comes to sharing small plates with your mates.
Right, you, we've got to have some words. So, get off your bloody high horse for a minute and please consider what you're doing. Too good to use your fingers, huh? That's rich. Especially considering that the humble pizza was literally designed to be eaten with bare hands. They've got an edible handle, for God's sake. Now that's out our system, I suppose we can admit that the connoisseur does probably benefit from never having to deal with pizza grease-stained white T-shirt troubles. But, honestly, where's the fun in that?
Ah, I see that you, too, like to live dangerously. The dangler throws caution (and a slice of pizza) to the wind in the hope of attaining that elusive, perfect bite of melted cheese. The dangle is a delicate art and one that can be immensely rewarding if done right. If done wrong? Absolute disaster and a cheese-burnt chin are the only thing coming your way. Being a dangler is a bit like diving into a paddling pool from a 100ft diving board – not by any means recommended, but a lot of fun to watch as a spectator for the carnage that might ensue.
You're just sick. Psst, can we have your crusts, though?